All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
