i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
