i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
