Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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