Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
