the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
