My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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