We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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