I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
