I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
