I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
