You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
