He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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