my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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