Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
