Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize