4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
