if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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