I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
