Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
