I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize