were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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