Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
