I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize