You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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