Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
