I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
