bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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