That's intense
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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