I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
