he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
