she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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