I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Everclear isn't food dammit
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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