Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
