I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
