i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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