It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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