Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
