Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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