you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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