I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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