he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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