y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize