Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
