Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
