i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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