yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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