then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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