u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no. you can't hotbox the world.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Randomize
