Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize