how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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