hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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