Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
