i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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