If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
