I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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