She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize