At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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