walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
