then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
