And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
