So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
