Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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