I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
