I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
